i remember but i want to forget

i remember it was a b day
mr. ross was my teacher
and i don't even remember the subject

all i remember was the text

the text from dad

2 words that hit my heart like a bullet

grandpa died.

i don't remember how i got to the hospital

but i do remember entering the room

light blue walls

white tiles with tear drops

shattered hearts.

i remember thinking maybe it won't hurt with my eyes shut..

so i shut them

but it didn't help, it definitely hurt.

i squinted my eyes together harder and harder hoping it was a dream.

we all sat in silence. 

and i came to the realisation that all i have left are the memories and the lessons

he told me to always go for it. whether it ends good or bad, it was an experience.

i remember his stories about harvard

he told me to soak in moments. turn them into movies, into stills. don't ever forget the seconds that make life soft and beautiful. collect them.

i wish i could remember everything from him.
but time makes things fade

and i miss him everyday