17

i've got a lot to get off my chest cause if i don't i'm not going to be able to breath.

so let's discuss highschool

it's low key crushes. tardy slips. the best moments, and the worst. it's "i was so sure of you" it's disappointment.

and if i've learned anything important from my 17 years of living and high school it's...

always discuss your problems with god first

& some names will always taste bitter

if you enjoyed it, it wasn't a waste of time.

i've learned to look past peoples flaws.

and always let people wonder.

i've learned to stop trying to repaint people after they have shown their true colors.

i've come to know no one is ever too busy, it's all about priorities.

also just be bold.

and lastly i've learned, don't let the heart that didn't love you keep you from the one that will.

i wish i could go back in time, not to change things but just to feel moments again

so i hope there are days when you fall in love with being alive. and i hope you remember how it felt

 

i remember but i want to forget

i remember it was a b day
mr. ross was my teacher
and i don't even remember the subject

all i remember was the text

the text from dad

2 words that hit my heart like a bullet

grandpa died.

i don't remember how i got to the hospital

but i do remember entering the room

light blue walls

white tiles with tear drops

shattered hearts.

i remember thinking maybe it won't hurt with my eyes shut..

so i shut them

but it didn't help, it definitely hurt.

i squinted my eyes together harder and harder hoping it was a dream.

we all sat in silence. 

and i came to the realisation that all i have left are the memories and the lessons

he told me to always go for it. whether it ends good or bad, it was an experience.

i remember his stories about harvard

he told me to soak in moments. turn them into movies, into stills. don't ever forget the seconds that make life soft and beautiful. collect them.

i wish i could remember everything from him.
but time makes things fade

and i miss him everyday

alex cujavante

dear alex.

the fact that your pen name is someone who celebrated their roller speed skate race victory too early and someone past them in the last second and they were no longer were in first place, is the funniest and saddest thing ever.

i love the simplicity of your posts

i love the quotes you use.

short but they have so much meaning.

i've learned we have some similatrities
1. i forget how to spell my pen name too
2. i don't know what i want to major in either
3. i am also horrible at endings

i'm painting your white elephant present alex.

so thank you parker. i have enjoyed reading your blog and getting to know you.

change

so hello

i am obsessed with the sky
which is why my pen name is a constellation

i am mostly afraid of going through life misunderstood

i get too caught up on the things that don't matter

and i've learned it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

and thanks to nelson and monocerous for helping me accomplish that.

i have come to love the fool inside of me,

the one who:

feels too much
talks too much
takes too many chances
wins sometimes and loses often
loves and hates
hurts and gets hurt
laughs and cries

i try to be happy so that when others look at me they become happy too.
cause i am not mona lisa.
i wont depend on anyone to draw a smile on my face. i control my own brush and i'll paint my own reality

I am Sarah Barry

mixed lyrics and emotions

a combination of lyrics from

the 1975 - Fallingforyou
Mumford & Sons - after the storm
Lana del rey - Dark paradise

and now i cling to what i knew
i saw exactly what was true
all my friends tell me i should move on
that's why i hold.
no one compares to you
i think im falling, i'm falling for you.
i read between the lines
and i look up, i look up
on my knees and out of luck.
don't you see me?
i'll never make it right.
i'm caught on your coat again
and we stood tall,
and remembered our own land, and what we lived for
and i took you by the hand,
i'll take you one day at a time
don't you see me now?
you said some day we might when i'm closer to your height.
that's why i hold.
you're all i need
i think i'm falling, i'm falling for you
soon you will be mine,
maybe you'll change your mind
and love will not break your heart.
no one compares to you.
we started losing light
if you don't want me around.
i run and run as the rains come.
night has always pushed up day
i'm so excited for the night.
the feeling of your arms
and on this night and in this light
when the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive.
i don't want to wake up from this tonight
That's why i hold with all i have.
i think i'm falling, i'm falling for you
i think i'm falling, i think i'm falling
you're all i need
i don't wanna be your friend
well i guess i'll just go home.

i wonder where broken hearts go

maybe we die twice in this life.
1. when your own heart stops beating
2. when their heart starts beating for someone else

a womens heartbeat is faster than a mans by almost 8 beats a minute
which makes sense cause every time i see you
my chest bumps like a dryer with shoes in it cause it's beating so fast

       even though i don't want it to

even though regular exercise is best for the heart i hate running.

and maybe it's meant to be that the heart is the size of two hands clasped together....

      I don't know

maybe i'm killing my heart by overthinking

i feel like the beat of my heart is morse code but i just can't follow what it's saying when my heart is slowly turning into a million pieces.

thankfully i'm not broken. just cracked and a little bent.