sometimes i feel like a tragedy

life is going by so fast i don't even have enough time to say what i really want. isn't it strange that we talk least about the things we think about the most?

i can't quite learn to say things before i run out of time, before it's too late. why can't i learn that waiting is a mistake?

i live in a prison where i fear what other people think

i cry myself to sleep more nights than i don't and i think i'm almost tears.

i have chapters in my life that i don't want to read out loud

i have a problem with remembering the things i want to forget and forgetting the things i want to remember.

but most of all i need someone, a mother, a father, or just an older wiser being to cry to.

i talk to god but the sky is empty. it's probably my fault. i actually know for a fact it is.

life sometimes is just a tragedy.

it's just what humans do

vincent van gogh used to eat yellow paint because he believed it would bring out or get the happiness inside of him.

people would call him stupid and crazy because clearly the paint was toxic.

also reminding him that eating paint had no direct correlation with his happiness.

but i realized that he must have found him self so unhappy that the only thing bringing him true hapiness was painting his internal organs yellow, and if that was the only thing that worked, then he was going to do so


us humans. are no different.

vincent eating yellow paint is really no different than falling in love or taking drugs.

falling in love with someone gives us the risk of getting our hearts broken. and taking drugs has the risk of over dosing

but people still do these things everyday because there is always a chance that even for the slightest moment, it can give us happiness.

we all have our yellow paint.  

maybe

maybe all the coins i threw into the fountain and all the fingers i crossed for you don't really matter cause what is supposed to happen will happen

maybe all i need is more time. more time to know. know what exactly? i don't know

or maybe home is just two arms wrapped around me. 

maybe everything is temporary

maybe i will learn that i shouldn't have to fight for my spot in someone's life.

maybe i'll learn to stop wasting my 11:11 wishes on you
or stop wasting the rare shooting stars on you too

maybe i'll learn that people are poison.

maybe i'll stop craving the thing that hurts me the most.

maybe one day i'll learn.

dnifferet, barve eoungh¡

Wehn we ctcah oreluvses not bieng the nrom or bieng dnifferet, for smoe roesan we ilntstnay try to caghne it. Why? Bieng dnifferet is the olny tnihg kpeieng tihs wrold bauetfuil. Tihs psot is wtrietn in a cmtpoele dnifferet way, it is not nroaml, but it's fnie! Jsut lkie bnieg dnifferet ins't bad, it maens you are barve eoungh to be yursoelf.

shower thoughts

at times i am a mystery unto myself.
i sit as the darkness of night slowly covers the sky and question honestly who am i?
i ruin my life by desensitizing myself.
i get afraid to feel deeply.
or to say too much.
or to say how i really feel.
its hard to say what i really feel when i don't even know what i am feeling.
i believe that my soul is from elsewhere, and i intend to end there. my soul is a mystery.

nights are my thing.
at night is when i usually come closest to solving the mystery of my self.
i often think that the night is more alive & richly colored than the day.
everything looks perfect at night.
that must be why i love it so much because my soul feels perfect under the pictorial black and blue.
at night everything is more intense, more true.
moonbeams and starlight casts a soft luminous glow warming my soul.
making me feel more whole, and discovering my true self.

i hope to one day solve this mystery of myself

take me back

take me back to when monsters were my biggest fear in life
and the only thing scary about going onto the next grade were the shots
take me back to when learning how to blow a bubble was the most difficult task.
take me back to recess

 Mostly all i want back is the simplicity of being a kid again.
finger paintings
being a princess one day then a hero the next.
doing whatever i want when i wanted and not caring what others thought
having a "late night" with friends.

when we were kids we feared high school, we feared the duties that were to come of being a teenager. it's interesting how the things we feared the most when we were kids have already happened to us... why do we insist on making this simple life complicated?
i want my crayons back.

happy bones

Have you ever been so happy you could feel it in your bones?

Bones come in all shapes and sizes.
as does happiness. true happiness doesn't have to be a new car flashier than the alpine moms jewelry, sometimes the simplest things make me the happiest.

Bones are made of active and living cells.
for me happiness is getting out and living. smelling the air, hikes to places higher than my attention span, and playing with friends

The bony skelatol system in humans is hidden under layers of skin & muscle.
at times its hard to find happiness. It seems to be buried under homework assignments and pointless drama. Happiness is worth the wait to find it.

Calcium is very important for our bones & keeps us strong & healthy.
my calcium in life is good music. it always seems to be the thing that keeps me strong and literally brings me the most happiness at points.

Bones are held by ligaments.
the ligaments in my life are the things that keep me held in and that catch me before i have completely fallen. true friends and family are my ligaments to a happy life.

Bones are strong & rigid & built to stand a lot of force.
doing what truely makes us happy is what can help us from being broken down from the burden of trials.

The hyoid is a bone in the throat, it's the only bone in the whole body not connected to another bone. It helps produce/create the range of human vocalizations.
Sometimes you can be soooo happy that you will notice that this bone stops working, its those moments  when you are laughing so hard that there is no sound coming out at all. those are the best laughs. 

Teeth are bones.
i guess these are the happiest of all the bones because you only see these bones when you are the happiest

i hope there are days you fall in love with being alive    

     
 

oh hats

i honestly don't even wear hats.
they give me hat hair and they never seem to fit right.
hats are worn in so many different ways and personalities
i see the hats that the douche bags wear with pants lower than my act score
i see the gentleman taking off their hats to show respect
i see the hats that cover up the hair that is not perfect
i see the hats get thrown in the air for the excitement of actually graduating
i see the hats that the fall off the little sophomores that are so scared of being late they start running faster than the kisses at knightings
i see the hats that are clenched in someones fist to show grief
i also see the hats that are pushed back to show relief
i see the cowboy hats that all the girls wear to rodeos just for the occasion
i guess it all depends on the location 
oh hats